And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
