For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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