this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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