You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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