belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
