just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
