I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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