Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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