last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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