wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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