If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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