We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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