I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
