In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
