I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
