Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
