Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
