it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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