You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
