walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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