I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
