You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
