On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude i'm inner monologue high
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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