i jhust puked up my retainher.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
