At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
