Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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