Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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