HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
