Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Enjoy the penises
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
