if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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