My Higher Power is John Stamos
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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