I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
