i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
