this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
