the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
