In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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