then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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