I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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