He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
