somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
