just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize