you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
