I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
