Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
