fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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