I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
