The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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