no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
