Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
