Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
