areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
