one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
