I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do vagina's smell?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
