Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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