i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
