Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
