I wish I only lived at night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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