when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
