New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
