i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
