I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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