Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
