your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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