I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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