Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
