If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
