tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
