Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
